Have you ever experienced a big tantrum in the middle of town where there are loads of people because of a pack of sweets? What would you do when you already told your kid that he/she cannot have a sweet because it will ruin his teeth? Well, I experienced this today after my son’s haircut. It all started in the magazine shop where an array of chocolates and sweets are neatly piled on the wall. He asked for a sweet, even nicely which I refused explaining that he already had two today. He insisted all the time we are there until when I went to pay The tantrum begun.
Just for that bar of chocolate, he made a scene. I smacked him inside the shop for not listening and being flat out dense. He started screaming and shouting and blocking the wheels of the pushchair with baby in on the pavement. I told him firmly again that he cannot have sweets because he already had some today and his dentist will not be very happy. It became worse – it became a battle of who is going to give in first. If I am to be listened to by my own children, I believe that giving in to their tantrums big or small will not help me now nor in the future. So he got a smack bottom, I slapped his face to get him out of hysterics and threatened to leave him there. Then he start asking for food , the Chocolate. The tantrum lasted several meters, we almost covered the whole shopping block in our area. He finally stopped to think about his actions. “I made mummy shout at me…” he said looking sad. I told him yes, he did not behave well and he refused to listen when I told him no. I reminded him that being a good boy is not when he said he Is a good boy but when he show that he can behave like a good boy, that he listens and obey because as his mummy I am responsible for his health, welfare and behaviour (specially the manners, respect for other people and their property). I do not know whether he understood this or not but I keep trying to remind him the Do’s and Don’ts – yes we have rules at home. I believe that children who was never made to follow rules at home could never really understand why laws are made.
It makes me sad to have to fight with my son, to have to spank him but I guess I am doing it for his own good. He must also learn that we cannot have everything we want in life unless we really work hard to earn it honestly.
So much for my son, I remembered shopping in Ilford the other day a mother walking ahead of his daughter who called her things like slot, bitch and so on in the middle of the street. I really wanted to beat the hell out of the girl for lacking respect for her mother, to teach her good manners and so on. No matter what the mother did, she deserve respect even a small one from the daughter she carried in her womb and pushed in the world. Children who cannot show the least respect shouldn’t be left alone without learning it. If they can’t show respect to their own mother do you expect them to show respect to others and the laws of society? No. It is like breeding a new bunch of future troublemakers.
I also want to beat the hell out of the mother for ignoring her responsibility to her child. She failed in teaching her daughter the good manners. Parents love their children very much. But then, it is not only making the child always happy, it is also to teach responsibility and manners. I know I repeated this a million times now, but to me it is the basic and most important thing a parent should teach.
They should be taught. why? Well, I don’t want to live in a society that is vandalised with spoilt and badly behaved people who only think of themselves. I think we are experiencing this already these days which is a thing to worry about. Also governments are making laws even in good intention to protect the children to the frustration of parents whose rights and responsibility are crippled. The government should instead protect the Family and help out. Not just the children, they should encourage character building and relationship building activities instead of limiting it by the tons of paperwork good intent associations have to go through. Reading about the many guidelines to protect the children makes me think if we do not give our children space to grow and discover why not just make a fenced playground where they cannot hurt themselves. The laws and guidelines (most of it) created nowadays is stealing the childhood from our children. Governments spend loads of money on people who does paperwork to check whether these guidelines are respected by everybody when they can spend these money on the many things that matter most. Proper education of children and Family education to help out parents and so on. Schools should not only teach sciences, arts, maths, history and literature, they should also have a couple of lessons about good manners and right conduct. I remember we had one when I was a kid from age of 7 to 12 (elementary school). We were taught to be responsible for things we use and to take care of it. To be courteous, to respect others and the law. We are also taught to respect nature through gardening projects – then I thought it was only to make our lives harder but now, I know better.
Also, there should be common sense class in schools now too. Because it seems that this society now have a few individuals who don’t think properly. Like; Spilling hot drink all over themselves and blaming the vendor about it. They bought the hot drink, they should take care not to spill it. For their clumsiness, they do not take responsibility for their actions.
The government should review their guidelines only to the basic and give more emphasis on family. Children go astray because they felt uncared for or they do not understand why and what society asks them. Helping the family doesn’t giving them money, this method of old is just teaching parent to be lazy so many who really need it are left out. Family allowance should be scrapped off – we are 50+years from the World War 2, the society and economy recovered already. Some of the family allowance should be spent on programs to help poor families with parents with no job to reinsert in the job market. Or for projects that can help them a new trade and be able to live with it. There are sectors in need of workforce, if the idle job seekers who benefit government support could be redirected to these area then they can live well and the government can move on to next family who needed the most. Also to create family programs to help strengthen the family bonds. There are many things the governments can do to to solve the problem. It may not be to the liking of the many who live comfortable on government support without working. But it is the only way to go forward or society as we know it will crumble.
So before you decide about having children, think first. It is not only the good things about having a cute kid and the smiles and giggles. It is about having a tiny person to share the love to. It is about the nappies, the feeding, the time to spend on them. It is also the parents responsibility to teach the children. Before you decide what to teach your children whether you want to spoil them rotten or to be strict on everything, answer me this – how do you want to grow old? Grumpy and uncared for or Happy and loved? This will all depend on how you balance your family life.
Good luck to you too!